|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
Questions to Ask Before You Get Married |
|
|
The First Year: Establishing the Ground Rules |
|
|
Expectations of Marriage |
According to a study done by the University of Denver's Center for Marital and Family Studies, nearly one-third of all couples under go some kind of premarital counseling. Premarital counseling helps identify where your partner stands on a variety of topics and can help pinpoint "issues". Learning to communicate - and we mean really talk - is a skill that is best gained now, when you're engaged.
About 80% of religious institutions require newlyweds to participate in counseling sessions before they will let you march down their aisles. If you don't fall into this category, a professional marriage and family therapist or a class on marriage-building skills can help you and your partner talk through common issues.
What is there to talk about? Oh religion, children, the in-laws - to name just a few topics. Below we've listed some of the main areas that counseling could cover, as well as a few sample questions that skim the surface of each category. You decide how (through formal counseling or on your own) you want to tackle these sticky subjects with your fiancé.
Religion
Religion needs to be discussed, even if you are both the same religion and more importantly if your religious beliefs vary. Some areas to talk about include:
|
 |
|
How do you worship (what do you believe)? |
| |||
|
|
|
When do you worship: weekly, monthly, just on holidays, never? |
| |||
|
|
|
How does religion affect your celebration of holidays? |
| |||
|
|
|
If there are children, how will they be raised? |
| |||
|
|
|
Will your religion affect how you live your day-to-day life? |
Children
This is a topic that is impossible to be flexible on. If one person wants children and the other doesn't, wow, how can this be resolved? Having children will change your life. You don't have to decide now, just make sure you're both on the same path.
|
|
|
Do you both want children? Not sure? |
| |||
|
|
|
If so, when and how many? |
| |||
|
|
|
What if you weren't able to conceive? |
| |||
|
|
|
Would you consider adoption? |
| |||
|
|
|
Would one of you stay home with the kids, rather than working? |
Finances
Money is consistently the number one topic that couples fight about, starting as newlyweds forward. Identify issues now, so there will be fewer surprises later.
|
|
|
How did your parents handle money? |
| |||
|
|
|
Will you have joint finances? |
| |||
|
|
|
How will you keep track of your budgeting and spending? |
| |||
|
|
|
What about goals for saving and retirement? |
| |||
|
|
|
How much is ok to spend without consulting your spouse? |
Habits
If you've known your fiancé for awhile or if you've lived together, many of these habits may already be obvious.
|
|
|
What are your sleeping habits? |
| |||
|
|
|
Do you insist upon a clean living space? Are the socks left by the door going to bother you? |
| |||
|
|
|
Do you like music or the TV on for background noise? |
| |||
|
|
|
Who will be responsible for chores? Cleaning? Grocery shopping? Wash? |
| |||
|
|
|
Any quirks? Do you have to check the car door twice to make sure it is locked? |
Family Issues
Ahhhh family, can't live with them, can't live without them. Identify potential problem areas either with in-laws or other relatives.
|
|
|
Will your parents or in-laws want to be unusually involved? |
| |||
|
|
|
Who will you spend holidays with? What about birthdays? |
| |||
|
|
|
Do one of you have an extra close relationship with a parent that could cause problems? |
Lifetime Priorities
This is a broad category. Basically, can you say that you both want the same type of life?
|
|
|
If one or both of you are very career focused, will this focus be a problem? |
| |||
|
|
|
Do you dream of traveling extensively? |
| |||
|
|
|
Do you want to live in the town you grew up in for the rest of your life? |
| |||
|
|
|
Do you want to live frugally, so you can retire early? |
Sources include:
www.theknot.com
Therapy: Is Prewedding Counseling for You?, Donna Lambeth